


FAQ

by smilejpg



Category: Welcome to Night Vale
Genre: Carlos is a Grumpy Boss, Carlos's Team of Scientists - Freeform, Cecil is Human, M/M, Memos, OR IS HE, Proofread your stuff before printing Carlos, Tapping the fourth wall
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-16
Updated: 2013-12-16
Packaged: 2018-01-04 19:45:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 348
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1084977
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smilejpg/pseuds/smilejpg
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Carlos’s research team knows he’s finally bedded the local radio celebrity because of the memo they find taped to their desks the next morning.</p>
            </blockquote>





	FAQ

**TO TEAM**

In light of recent speculation regarding my personal affairs it has become necessary to address certain frequently asked questions. You can consider these the final words on the subject and I don’t wish to hear anything else about it.

 **A:** No, I will not share details with you.

 **A:** No, I will not share details even if you rapturously append ‘for science!’ to your request.

 **A.** Cecil Palmer falls within the standard deviation of Night Vale human biodiversity as charted in studies **451 A** , **451 C** and **98 T** , and does not have any of the following:

  * extra teeth
  * extra eyes
  * extra fingers
  * extra limbs
  * extra orifices
  * extra dimensions
  * tentacles
  * a tail
  * a tentacle tail
  * performatively abnormal tattoos
  * abnormally potent pheromones
  * horns
  * cat-like pupils
  * functionally atypical genitalia
  * elevated radioactivity
  * forked tongue
  * extrasensory perception
  * alarmingly colorful STDs/STIs
  * wings
  * **(*****TK NOTE TO SELF: delete whichever of these turn out to be inaccurate before printing)**



**A.** Any field notes I may be taking w/r/t my relationship with Cecil Palmer do not constitute team research material and will not ever be made available for team review.

 **A.** Cecil Palmer is not an approved interview subject on this or other topics, even if he says differently.

 **A.** For that matter, NVCR reportage of our activities is not to be treated as factual and is not enterable as data on any of your spreadsheets.

 **A.** Local law enforcement is quite capable of picking up signal interference if someone plants surveillance devices in the area in addition to their own, so please don’t invite any _further_ citations upon our department by continuing to attempt passive data collection around Cecil’s, or my, apartment.

 **A.** I don’t care about the contents of the ‘speculative white papers’ you’re writing on this subject so long as I never see them posted anywhere on the Internet.

 **A.** Tumblr only tells lies and its existence outside of Night Vale is, at best, a matter for debate. Also, this is not a debate I am interested in having with you.

 **A.** Get back to work, seriously.

-Carlos

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! You can find me on tumblr at http://smiledotjpg.tumblr.com.


End file.
